I was just a kid from a small town west of Pennsylvania
'88 moved down to GA, overwhelmed by the change
I got treated like stranger 'cause I didn’t fit in Had a mullet, getting made fun of by the other kids
My brother wasn’t in the same school to protect me 6th grade, every day they would jump me in the gym
Finally got a couple friends
I was in and out of phases, into heavy metal for a stint
Then I started singing Boyz II Men
Playing Poison Clan
Really I just wanna be like them
So I went and brought a gun
In the school to be cool
Wasn’t real but it looked like one
It was chrome but this kid Trovon
Took it from me, making dudes take they shoes off
When he got caught better say it ain’t mine
He said he wouldn’t tell
I was in the office when they rung the bell
I had to go to panel and probably get expelled
I knew I had to answer to my father I was scared
He was known for raising hell
Hit me with an open hand or he whipped me with a belt but today was something
else
Quiet on the ride home when we got into the house
I got swung into the shelf
Getting swung on, I was 12 tryna
Hide my face
Ditching uppercuts from my dad’s punches making
My nose bleed
With my sister and her neighbor friend watching, momma
Cry, but she
Knew it was one of many ass whoopings coming
I received
Can’t hit the back button
As the pain rain down
The best thing trapped inside
Let the pain drain out
And left the past behind
But sometimes my mind…
Press rewind
'95 was the best year of my life that’s without a question
My brother was a senior and I was just a freshman
He would let me hang out with his friends and
Life felt normal for once
But the happiness I had only lasted a second
Mom and Dad separated same year, so my brother moved away when we finally had
our friendship
Made a lot of friends with kids in the same boat
No male role models for us to observe and be our guide
Dropped out of school, hit a learning curve, relied
On each other trying to persevere in life
Insecurities are high
Feeling unloved, searching for a girl that can provide
She wanna take it further, I’m worried that I’m gonna blow my cover 'cause I said I’m not a virgin and I lied
I finally fertilized
Then she left me for another guy
But years flying by, life is like a circus ride
We done did the worst, too much dirt to purify
Mom was working nights
Helicopters circling outside
Lot of murders, lot of fights
Lot of nights heard the cries from my mom’s room
Household with no one in control
Everything crumbled, I was young but now I’m grown
Suddenly my brother and my father coming home
And it’s
So unreal
When we’re all together you can feel the tension and it’s
Unfair
Started fighting at my brother’s college graduation but it Goes unsaid
When you love each other ain’t no conversation, hated
All those years
Wishing I could erase them
As the pain rain down
The best thing trapped inside
Let the pain drain out
And left the past behind
But sometimes my mind…
Press rewind