Lyrics
Waldo jeffers had reached his limit. it was now mid-august which meant that he had been separated from marsha for more than two months. two months,
and all he had to show was three dog-eared let
And two very expensive long distance phone calls. when school had ended and
shed returned to wisconsin, and he to locust, pennsylvania. she had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity, she would d Ccasionally, but merely as amusement. she would remain faithfull.
But lately waldo had begun to worry. he had trouble sleeping at night and when
he did, he had horrible dreams. he lay awake at night, tossing and turning
underneath his pleated quilt protector,
Welling in his eyes. as he pictured marsha, her sworn vows overcome by liquor
and the smooth soothing of some neanderthal, finally submitting to the final
caresses of sexual oblivion. it was mo An the human mind could bear.
Visions of marshas faithlessness haunted him. daytime fantasies of sexual
abandon permeated his thoughts. and the thing was they wouldnt really
understand how she really was. he, waldo, alone,
Rstood this. he had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche.
he had made her smile, and she needed him, and he wasnt there. (ahhh…)
The idea came to him on the thursday before the mummers parade was scheduled to appear. he had just finished mowing and etching the edelsons lawn for a dollar
fifty and had checked the mailbox
E if there was at least a word from marsha. there was nothing more than a circular from the amalgamated aluminum company of america inquiring into his
zoning needs. at least they cared enough to
E. it was a new york company. you could go anywhere in the mail.
Then it struck him, he didnt have enough money to go to wisconsin in the
accepted fashion, true, but why not mail himself? it was absurdly simple.
he would ship himself parcel post special deli
The next day waldo went to the supermarket to purchase the necessary equipment.
he bought masking tape, a staple gun and a medium sized box, just right for a person of his built. he judged that
A minimum of jostling he could ride quite comfortably. a few airholes,
some water, of course, midnight snacks and it would probably be as good as going tourist.
By friday afternoon, waldo was set. he was packed and the post office had
agreed to pick him up at three oclock. hed marked the package «fragile»,
and as he sat curled up inside, res
The foam rubber cushioning hed thoughtfully included, he tried to picture the
look of awe and happiness on marshas face as she opened the door,
saw the package, tipped the deliverer, and then o It to see her waldo finally there in person. she would kiss him, then,
maybe they could see a movie. if hed only thought of this before.
suddenly rough hands gripped his package and he felt hi Barne up. he landed with a thud in a truck and then he was off.
Marsha bronson had just finished setting her hair. it had been a very rough
weekend. she had to remember not to drink like that. bill had been nice about
it though. after it was over hed said t E still respected her and, after all, it was certainly the way of nature,
and even though, no he didnt love her, he did feel an affection for her.
and, after all, they were grown adults. oh, wh Lly could teach waldo — but that seemed like years ago.
Sheila klein, her very, very best friend walked in through the porch screen
door and into the kitchen.
«oh god, its absolutely maudlin outside.»
«i know what you mean, I feel all icky!"marsha tightened her cotton robe with
the silk outer edge. sheila ran her finger over some salt grains on the kitchen
table, licked her fingers
Made a face.
«im supposed to take these salt pills,"but she wrinkled her nose, «they make me feel like throwing up."marsha started to pat herself under the
chin, an exercise shed seen
Elevision. «god, dont even talk about that."she got up from the table and went
to the sink where she picked up a bottle of pink and blue vitamins. «want one?
supposed to be bett
An steak."and attempted to touch her knees.
«i dont think Ill ever touch a daiquiri again."she gave up and sat down,
this time nearer the table that supported the telephone. «maybe bill will call.
«she said to sheil
Lance. sheila nibbled on a cuticle.
«after last night, I thought maybe youd be through with him.»
«i know what you mean, my god, he was like an octopus. hands all over the place.
«she gestured, raising her arms upwards in defense. «the thing is after a while,
you get tired of Ing with him, you know, and after all he didnt really do anything friday and
saturday so I kind of owed it to him, you know what I mean."she started to scratch.
Sheila was giggling with her hand over her mouth. «ill tell you,
I feel the same way, and even after a while,"here she bend forward in a whisper, wanted to,"and now she was lau
Very loudly.
It was at this point that mr. jameison of the clarence darrow post office rang
the door bell of the large colored stucco frame house. when marsha bronson
opened the door, he helped her carry the
Age in. he had his yellow and green slips of paper signed and left with a fifteen cent tip that marsha had gotten out of her mothers small beige
pocketbook in the den.
«what do you think it is? «sheila asked.
Marsha stood with her arms folded behind her back. she stared at the brown
cardboard carton that sat in the middle of the living room: «i dont know.»
Inside the package waldo quivered with excitement as he listened to the muffled
voices. sheila ran her fingernail over the masking tape that ran down the
center of the carton. «why dont yo K at the return address and see who it is from? «Waldo felt his heart beating. he could feel the vibrating footsteps.
it would be soon.
Marsha walked around the carton and read the ink-scratched label.
«god, its from waldo.»
«that schmuck!"said sheila.
Waldo trembled with expectation.
«you might as well open it,"said sheila. both of them tried to flip the stable
flap.
«ah,"said marsha groaning. «he must have nailed it shut."they tagged at the
flap again. «my god, you need a power drill to get this thing opened.
«they pulled aga
Quot;you cant get a grip!"they both stood still, breathing heavily.
«why dont you get the scissors,"said sheila. marsha ran into the kitchen,
but all she could find was a litt
Wing scissors. then she remembered that her father kept a collection of tools
in the basement. she ran downstairs and when she came back, she had a large
metal cutter in her hand. «this is Est I could find."she was out of breath. «here, you do it. Im gonna die.
«she sank into a large fluffy couch and exhaled noisily. sheila tried to make a slit between the masking
And the end of the cardboard, but the blade was too big and there was not
enough room. «g-damn this thing!"she said feeling very exaspe- rated.
then, smiling «i got an idea.&quo
Uot;what? «said marsha. «just watch,"said sheila touching her finger to her
head.
Inside the package, waldo was transfixed with excitement that he could hardly
breathe. his skin felt prickly from the heat and he could feel his heart
beating in his throat. it would be soon.
Sheila stood quite upright and walked around to the other side of the package.
then she sank down to her knees, grasped the cutter by both hands,
took a deep breath and plunged the long blade th The middle of the package, through the middle of the masking tape,
through the card-board through the cushioning and right through the center of waldo jeffers head, which split slightly and cau
Ittle rhythmic arcs of red to pulsate gently in the morning sun.